Swanner: In Collide, an American gets involved with a drug smuggler as they use the Autobahn to run their product. That’s the exciting description of the film. It’s really about some stupid American kid who gets involved with drug runners in Europe and then gets out. (They never really are out) Then he meets a stupid American girl (in Germany) who he falls in love with, she gets sick and needs a kidney replacement, so he’s going back to the drug dealers, but this time to rob them — because that always works.

You can tell I’m not a fan of this silly film. When you see Anthony Hopkins and Ben Kingsley starring in a film, you think there must be something worth watching in the film. There isn’t. Hopkins underplays his role, while Kingsley takes it way over the top. Nicholas Hoult (X-Men) and Felicity Jones (Rough One) play the stupid Americans who have no on-screen chemistry,  and the film is better when they aren’t together.

Much of the film is laughable. All of the bad guys are bumbling and the good guys are worse. One sequence has the four leads in a bar surrounded by the police. The police open fire on the bar with no consideration for our “heroes”. Fear not bad guys, you can just slip out the back. I guess surrounded means something different in Europe.

Director Eran Creevy (Shifty) took on too much when he and co-writer F. Scott Frazier (xXx: Return of Xander Cage) wrote this dumb script. If they wanted to make a car chase film, they could have just remade Need for Speed, which was dumb, but at least action fans had something to entertain them. Collide should have come out in January when terrible movies are released, quickly taken away, then put out of our misery. With a January release, I would have known better.

Swanner: 1 star

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