Transformers: The Last Knight

Swanner: Humans are at war with the Transformers, and Optimus Prime is gone. The key to saving the future lies buried in the secrets of the past and the hidden history of Transformers on Earth. Now, it’s up to the unlikely alliance of Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg), Bumblebee, an English lord (Anthony Hopkins), and an Oxford professor (Laura Haddock) to save the world. I used the studios description since I had no idea how to explain the story. 

Judd: The studio description left out the best part… The Transformers helped King Arthur, and Merlin wasn’t really a magician. He was using Transformer technology! Mind BLOWN! That was sarcasm, folks. It all added up to a hodgepodge of a movie that was bloated, overblown, and way too long. Not only did the movie make very little sense, there were blatant inconsistencies and plot holes throughout. I know, I shouldn’t care about a plot for a summer popcorn movie — it’s obvious screenwriters Art Marcum, Matt Holloway and Ken Nolan certainly didn’t care. But, when the continuity errors are so glaringly obvious, they become hard to overlook.  

Swanner: I read that the studio made director Michael Bay cut the movie down from over three hours. I’m sure that’s where we learn that the Transformers were the reason the dinosaurs disappeared. After all, the Transformers were the reason we defeated the Nazis! There were so many storylines going, I lost track. One thing I can say is it’s not boring. Between the loudness and the storyline confusion, I had no chance at sleeping through it.

Judd: While I hate to disagree with you, in this instance at least, I thought the movie was confusing and boring. Also, it seemed that Bay and his screenwriters amped up the childishness of the script. I suppose the juvenile dialogue shouldn’t surprise me coming from a franchise that featured giant, robot testicles in the second installment – but there was something that made this fifth feature seem extra immature. Everyone in the cast, including Anthony Hopkins, his 400 year old robot, and the Oxford professor spoke like a 12 year old boy. Honestly, I’m surprised no one used the word “doody”.

Swanner: I get that Michael Bay likes the big payoffs he gets from these films and I’m sure the studio does too, but haven’t we jumped the shark here? I was on Box-Office Mojo and they are showing two more Transformer films coming out next year and the following year. I was looking forward to this film, since this summer has turned out to be pretty crappy, but it just turned out to be another turd on the pile. 

Swanner: 1 star

Judd: 1 star

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