The Meg

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Swanner: After a sub gets trapped in the ocean lower than anyone has ever gone, Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) is brought in the save the day. Once all seems well, they realize they have released a megalodon, a 75 foot long dinosaur shark to the pacific ocean. Now the team has only hours before this creature reaches the tourist filled beaches for feeding.

Judd: Jon Turtletaub, known for National Treasure and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, directs while Rainn Wilson and Ruby Rose being the only other recognizable Hollywood names. The Meg should have been a fun, campy summer movie about a prehistoric shark, but instead takes  itself a little too seriously, and ends up toothless.

Swanner: I thought it wasn’t serious enough. After some of their friends were killed, the main characters are getting all giggly on each other. I know Bond had his tag lines, but I think they had Bruce Vilanch in the back coming up with new zingers to show how much fun were having. I did love the time with the shark but there just wasn’t enough of it, and when we did I wanted a more generous body count. 

Judd: You mean flirting with your hero after a dear friend just died isn’t humorous or appropriate? The movie is much too character driven for what amounts to a creature feature, and the characters aren’t worth focusing the audience’s attention. I can’t even remember their names, let alone anything that made them distinguishable from any other action movie. The jaded hero, the inexplicably single mother, the rich asshole, etc. It’s a shame that this movie wasn’t better – or worse, to dip into that so bad it’s good category.

Swanner: On that I will agree, they needed to go one way or another because this middle of the road “let’s make everyone happy” crap isn’t working. I just noticed how cookie cutter the characters were, they even had the smart mouthed kid for my entertainment. I feel so manipulated. All would have been forgiven with more blood and guts. 

Judd: More blood and guts, and a tongue in cheek approach without going full Sharknado, would have made this a fantastic summer popcorn movie. As it stand, it’s a forgettable summer throw away, that isn’t even worth renting.

Swanner: 2 stars
Judd: 1 star

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