Swanner: Let me describe the storyline of Melancholia. While a mysterious planet (Melancholia) heads towards a collision with the earth, two women suffering from melancholy struggle through what most certainly will be their last days … which makes them more melancholy. Usually when I’m describing this people roll their eyes which I’m sure most people do a lot of through this movie. The first 8 1/2 minutes of the film are scenes from the ending they didn’t use with loud classical music play over the top of the film. After the ridiculous opening we go back a few days to the wedding of Justine (Kristen Dunst) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard). The wedding takes up most of the first hour where we learn that Justine and her sister Claire (Charlotte Gainbourg) both are unhappy people suffering (as i was) from depression (boredom).
The second half of the film is waiting for that damn planet to hit the earth. I must admit i was trying to will the collision to happen sooner but Director Lars von Trier likes to drag things out. Claire’s husband John (Kiefer Sutherland) is constantly trying to calm the women folk that planet will come close but miss the earth. He says this as the planet gets closer and closer on the horizon behind the actors. Finally John confesses the scientific community is pretty sure we’re all doomed and Claire goes from melancholy to panic but fear not, Justine is still depressed and is hoping for the inevitable. I’m not sure where Justine husband was because i dosed off. Finally in the last two minute the film caught my attention and it blacked out and the credits rolled. My suggestion is to sit through the first 8 1/2 minutes speed through the middle two hours and watch the last two minutes of the film. I suggest this only to the people that are really curious and feel they really need to see the movie. For you that are vacillating, watch something else … maybe Bridesmaids or take a two hour nap like i did.
Swanner: No stars.