Swanner: Just when you thought they had retired the franchise once and for all…here comes Fast and Furious 6. When you look at the figures, number 5 made $626 million dollars worldwide with $209 coming from the US alone. That means there will be another one, and another one, and another one. This time around Federal Agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) needs Toretto’s crew to help him catch a criminal in Europe. He promises them all full pardons for their help.
Judd: I don’t like the Fast and Furious movies, so I should just give it one and half stars now and let you do the rest of the review. These movies are for wannabe gearheads. For the guys and gals driving a slammed 1989 Civic with thousands of dollars’ worth of plastic bodywork plus a spoiler and coffee can muffler with no actual money spent on real performance. For the people who think quick shots of a foot stomping a clutch and a hand rowing a gear must mean the driver is a “pro”. For god’s sake, Toretto refers to Letty’s (Michelle Rodriguez), she’s back by the way, British Jensen Interceptor as an American V8! BULLSHIT!
Swanner: I pretty much have no idea what you just said so I’ll move on. Yes, Michelle Rodriguez is back from the dead or at least a presumed dead in number four. It’s a good thing because she brings the same sexuality that Vin Diesel does, it’s raw and smoldering unlike Paul Walker who should just look pretty. The biggest problem with the film is the dialog…they gave them way too much to say. The leads aren’t really actors in the grand scheme of things. They are movie stars. That’s why Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson really stand out. They are funny and can actually deliver a line correctly. Dwayne Johnson also does a decent job but this is pretty standard for him.
Judd: OK, OK so the Jensen is powered by a Chrysler 440, so I guess technically it IS an American V8. I still say its bullshit. The other problem I have with these movies is that the car chases are so fake, they’re boring. I know there’s the whole “suspension of disbelief” but the F&F movies take it too far. The last scene the team is driving a group of Chargers to take down a Russian military plane, and based on speed and duration of the scene, the runway must have been at least 10 miles long. It’s ridiculous.
Swanner: Of course it’s ridiculous but that’s how action movies are these days. The last 30 minutes of the movie was crazy with the scenes on the freeway and then to the world’s longest landing strip. The stunts were great. Once again I remind you it’s a popcorn movie. That’s why they should have talked less and drove more. Hopefully in Fast and Furious 7 they do just that. It comes out July 11th 2014 so get your tickets now.
Judd: Popcorn movie. Bah. It’s a snooze fest. The only thing that kept me awake was the sound of explosions and the gut-rumbling dubstep soundtrack. Yes readers, this old man knows all about “wub” even though it splits my head. Physics defying stunts, wooden acting and a paper-thin plot make Fast and Furious 6 a definite skip. Personally, I’m looking forward to Fast and the Furious 25, when Dom and Brian are tasked with robbing Palm Springs pharmacies for Viagra and Lipitor in their oversized Toyota Avalons blasting some Lawrence Welk, and the riskiest stunt they execute merging into freeway traffic.
Swanner: 2 Stars
Judd: 1 ½ Stars